Saturday, April 21, 2007
wasting time?
earlier today, i woke up, worried a bit, got ready, went to the farmers' market and did some grocery shopping, put groceries away, helped out with earth day, heard a speaker, and then hung out with friends, oh yea, and there was probably some daydreaming in there.
which of the above constiute wasting time? why do we even have this phrase in our culture, what does it say about what we value?
Friday, April 20, 2007
friday morning threads
yesterady i stopped by the htc commons room here on campus to chat with students about the viriginia tech shootings. there were about five students there, mostly first-years.
some important questions emerged during the course of our 40 minute conversation. How has the press handled this crisis, what is the media's role in giving/not giving the public information about these sort of events? What is the value, role of mental health services in our society? What determines wheather a person will "crack" like this young man did? Will there be a backlash against Southeast Asian community in this country? How will the nature of campus security change after this event? What is our reponsibility as studnets and faculty to report indiviudals with "red flag" behavior? What does an event say about the
But perhaps the most saddening one for me was posed by Dr. St. John: what does the coverage of this event say about the nature of grief in our society?
Is our "moment" of silence really 60 seconds?
Less than 24 hours after the shooting, before many of the victims were buried, the president of VT lead the commencement service. Less than two hours after the news of the shooting broke, as one student mentioned, there was already a debate on the airwaves about the need for gun control. Within an hour of the shooting, CNN had found and purchased cell phone video footage from a VT grad student and posted it on CNN.com.
I believe that a large part of it is that information has become a substitute for emotional outpouring in our society. We, in our-hyperactive need for production of....something.... stick ourselves into a constant feed of informationinformationinformatoninformationinformationinformationinformationinformationinformation to satiate the desire to feel, and most importantly, to feel as a community, with one another.
There are better examples. as I was reflecting on this last night with my housemates, my wonderful friend Margo mentioned that in the Jewish tradition, there is a process to grieving, all of which involve someone being with someone else. The first year of mourning is broken down in five distinct phases:
The time between death and burial
The three days that follow, when the family is given space to grieve privately
Shiva, a weeklong shared mourning with family, friends, and community members
Shloshim (which includes the shiva), a 30-day period after the burial, in which the bereaved person eases back into life
Yahrzeit, the commemoration of the first anniversary of death, at which time the headstone is placed, and things return to normal, relatively speaking
Professor
and, then there are blogs.
sure, our information age brings with it wonderful connecting tools. but it also, i think, puts us at a grave danger of alienating the head from the hearts, so to speak, and ignoring the heart.
Friday, April 13, 2007
running at night
there are some places on the bikepath where i have run many, many evenings; most, under the stress of some sort of writing deadline so that the grass literally holds words and phrases for me from these past escapes until i come back to visit them the next time. i guess these are an essay in and of themselves.
my favorite paths are the rougher grassy banks a bit farther from campus. i've also had lots of coversations with god in these places, asking him/her a variety of things, most of them preceeded by shouting or help! or what!!? other sorts of frusterated utterances. but whenever i go back and stop, breath, unplugg my ipod if i have it on, and listen, and yes, look at the stars, i feel that these conversations are not one way. it is good to remember to talk about thanks, to talk about joy, to talk about how something small went right that in the day.
writing all this makes me think about the poet mary oliver. somehow, i've just discovered her through a women and worship class i'm auditing at ou. anyway, she's good to slow yourself down and say thank you. i encouarge everyone to check out her why i wake early collection of poetry.
i'll leave you with one of them:
Bone
1.
Understand, I am always trying to figure outwhat the soul is,and where hidden,and what shape –
and so, last week,when I found on the beachthe ear boneof a pilot whale that may have died
hundreds of years ago, I though tmaybe I was closeto discovering something –for the ear bone
2.
is the portion that lasts longest in any of us, man or whale; shapedlike a squat spoon with a pink scoop where
once, in the lively swimmer’s head,it joined its two sistersin the house of hearing,it was only
two inches long –and thought: the soulmight be like this –so hard, so necessary –
3.
yet almost nothing.Beside methe gray seawas opening and shutting its wave-doors,
unfolding over and overits time-ridiculing roar;I looked but I couldn’t see anythingthrough its dark-knit glare;
yet don’t we all know, the golden sandi s there at the bottom,though our eyes have never seen it,nor can our hands ever catch it
4.
lest we would sift it down into fractions, and facts –certainties –and what the soul is, also
I believe I will never quite know.Though I play at the edges of knowing,truly I know our part is not knowing,
but looking, and touching, and loving,which is the way I walked on ,softly,through the pale-pink morning light.
~ Mary Oliver ~
(Why I Wake Early, 2004)
rainbows and coal
uncupping her hand, slowly, as if to keep something alive and jumping (like a toad), in, she waits for the flashes of pink and green and blue and purple to appear magically in the cold black stone as they had in her father’s callused palms just moments ago. seeing nothing but gray, she closes her hand again and squinting her eyes shut, shakes up the stone, thinking maybe the colors are playing a game with her – hiding. this time, she unfolds her fingers quickly and down, as if she were releasing a butterfly, but still, sees only the shiny gray and black of the stone.
worried, she tugs at the right braid of her pigtail and looks over at her father, sitting in a chair and leaning back towards the kitchen window, a bemused look about his face.
“come here, hoot, and let me show you something.” grasping her small forearm gently with his thumb and two fingers, he draws back the blinds and guides her still-open palms to the beam of mid-morning light filtered through the trees in the backyard. tilting her hands ever-so-slightly, she jumps as the reds and blues begin skirt across the surface and looks over at her father.
“the guys call it peacock coal because it looks like the feathers in a peacock’s tail.” yes, she knows the peacock, has read about it in one of her reading assignments: the bird with the funny black comb on his head who stole all the colors from the female. she had told her teacher that she didn’t think that was fair. “some oil or something gets on there and makes it shiny like that. it’s pretty rare.”
she turns the coal around and round in her palm until little sparkles appear on her skin and in the rivulets of sweat, building into faint, jeweled creases.
“thank you, daddy,” she whispers and kisses him on the temple behind his eye before she runs off to her room to place the coal on her shelf of treasures above her bed, between to her three-year-old sugar easter egg from the organist at their church and her t-ball trophy.
several times, even on rainy days, she would pick up the piece of coal, unhinging her palms in prayer trying to find her father’s rainbow in the slant of light from the bent slat of her bedroom blind.
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
(Back to) Soweto
“We can turn left up here,” said Dimpho, pointing towards a gravelish-looking road through a field that seemed either to be under destruction or abandoned construction. “Here?” I ask, uncertainly, looking at the ruts in the mud and smoke blowing across the field and the small group of people standing by.
“Yes, we can turn right here, yes, you are ok, and stay close to the left side that way we are out of the way, you know, if the bakkies want to come through.”
Dimpho was taking me through Soweto that afternoon, after I met her for the first time that morning about thirty minutes later than I was supposed to meet her because I, in my fear and general driving paranoia, could not find the parking lot for Carlton Center (the highest building in the Central Business District) in the CBD and because I was afraid to look at the road map for more than thirty seconds at the robot and to look, really, for more than thirty seconds for anyone and anywhere. So in my fear and general paranoia, I texted her for the third time, admitting, am lost : (, arranging to meet, instead, at the Market Theater complex: a five minute drive for me at that point and a twenty minute walk for her. And after chatting nervously with the car guard (well, a hozzit?, and molo and a very American attempt to talk about the sunshine) and anxiously kicking my right foot under a table in an outdoor cafĂ© drinking tonic water, she had come, smiling and breathless and sweat dripping down her brow, and hugged me as if I were her sister, or at least her second cousin on her mother’s side.
Sitting down at a picnic table under a nearly- blooming jacaranda tree, I ordered a glass of mango juice and she, a glass of orange juice. And in the same breath, she began excitedly telling me about the meeting from which she had just come where the man was going to give her a several thousand rand loan towards her current project to build a bed in breakfast in
And with that, I drove with her to
Taking in my interest in coal mining, our first stop was in this field with two giant cooling towers, one painted brightly with people and trains, and the other, a giant advertisement for First National Bank. Known as the
Turning 180 degrees, from the towers towards the rows of
As I catch up to her in the field, Dimpho asks me if I recognize any of the figures painted on the mural, pointing specifically to a female near the top of the tower. I study it for awhile, and guess Miriam Makeba, about the only South African female musician I know besides Brenda Fassie. Dimpho laughs a little and asks how I know Miriam Makeba.
I tell her I have some of her music, and respond, rather defensively, “We isn’t she like, a famous South African musician? I mean, aren’t you supposed to know her? I wanted my iTunes purchases to count for something…
“Yes, yes, you are right. So is that what you think we do here in
She points out a few other people, Nelson Mandela, soccer great, Jomo Somo, stopping a few more times quiz me on more of the brightly colored figures (all of which I fail). In addition to famous people, portraits of the yellow train running through
Looking beyond the right pictorial tower, I ask her what sort of building project is in the works. She grows serious, looks me in the eye, and shakes her head, kicking at a clod of grass, stirring up the dust.
”Yes, yes, about that one. That used to be the power station, you know, and now they want to turn it into another big shopping mall.” Because, you see, for them, that is the sign of progress – for them that is development. But this is not our sort of development, this is Western Development. Does this help my people here? I mean, yes, they say it will create jobs, sure, but what kind of jobs? The kind where you stand all day long and get nothing because they can always replace you with someone else if you want more rand or are sick or something, you see what I’m saying? Is this progress?
Her voice grows more animated. “I mean, sure it is fine to go shopping for whatever, but these are not goods from
I’m silent for awhile, thinking about the plastic bags in the dirt and the lady who tries to sell me a Sowetan every day as I leave Wits. “No, but maybe that’s only because it’s not what I want. I don’t like to shop too much, but I feel like I can’t say to people they shouldn’t want that.
She nods her head. “Yes, but you see what I mean, this is what people want. They want to spend their money in malls buying clothing that looks like, excuse me, what the girls in
“No. It’s apartheid again, keeping us in this Western market system. Why shouldn’t we be selling our own goods to the world, selling something that when you come here, you see something South African, something different that you can’t find anywhere else. My people, we should be offering goods that are unique, something of ourselves.”
I can only nod in agreement with her, offering here and there small bits of my own frustration with my culture of consumerism. But otherwise, I am silent.
“This is why I want to have my bed and breakfast, to have a place where people, local people, can come out and sell their crafts and have decent jobs, to come out and offer something unique, not just –malls.”
For the first time in ten minutes, I notice that she breathes.
Looking back again at the site of the future development, she shakes her head and turns back to face me. “I’m sorry. Maybe you think I am too much? Am I too much? I just think…
“No, not at all, I say quietly,” digging my toe into an exposed patch of red dirt. And we both turn our backs on the power station, the towers, facing full-on the largest black township in
Friday, March 16, 2007
peace
we are fighting a war, everyday, but usually, when i read the front page of the times, i glaze over the headlines of x number dead in iraq; background. it's just there. expected. inevitable.
one of my wise professors once mentioned in a conversation a year or so ago that we, as a people, as a civilization, as a species, should have evolved, should have advanced beyond war by now.
duh, right?
there is a bumper sticker pasted on the back of a green honda civic that i see most everyday when i walk back to my apartment in the university commons: it has a picture of a broken heart colored as an American flag and reads: "my other half is in Iraq." i assume this is the car of one of the female employees.
for so long it just registered in my head as, well, bumper-sticker patriotism.
but recently, i have felt my heart tear a little bit more as i walk past, and i think of whoever is missing half of her (or his) heart in there a little bit more often.
as a community, as a nation, i think our hearts our broken over the iraq conflict.
but we still have another half. what are we going to do with it?
about a half and hour ago, i looked up peace in the back of my NIV. there are tons of entries for peace (peaceable peaceful peacemakers), peacable (peace), peace-loving, etc.
so i'll end with some bumper-sticker peacemaking:
Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
- James 3:18
Friday, March 09, 2007
Sweet Home Alabama
I was reminded last week that to be a minority is indeed a state of being. Looking out from the backseat of a baby-blue Chrysler 300M (the rental agency all out of Civics) on route 80 West towards
I was in the South (Georgia and
So here are a few threads and pics from the trip:
I headed with Professor Gray along with bright, activist-minded freshman student Chelsea to
We spent early Friday morning at the
Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or the darkness of selfishness. This is the judgment. Life's most persistent and urgent question is, what are you going to do for others?
Carrying that thought with me, we headed out and strolled down King's old neighborhood,
After spending the morning in Atlanta, we headed about two and one-half hours south to
John Lewis is a member of the House of Representatives and was president of the Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee (SNCC) that played a key role in the end of segregation.
Unfortunately, the amzing Civil Rights Institute was closed because of the delegation, so we left Birmingham after about an hour to drive on toward Montgomery.
Arriving there in early evening, just as the sun was beginning to set, we breezed downtown Montogomery which was bascially vacant, despite the fact that it was Friday evening. We did run into an intriguing group of three historians standing outside the historical Dexter Baptist Church who gave us some interesting snippets of Montogmery's Civil Rights legacy. After that, we stopped and ate at a Mexican restaurant and then met
Saturday morning, we woke fairly early and went downtown Montgomery to a black
barbershop, possibily my favority experience of the whole trip. The barber used to cut Dr. King's hair while he was in Montgomery. Again, I felt okay being there because we were with Professor Gray, but still aware that Chelsea and I were a bit out of place.After the barbershop stay, we met Chris, one of Professor Gray's fomer students who is now a district attourney for Alabama'smiddle district, at Walt's diner.
Here is a picture of my breakfast. Grits and toast: serious stuff.
After breakfast, Chris gave us a tour of the courthouse, the Greyhound bus station where the Freedom Riders were beaten, Maya Lin's Civil Right's memorial in front of the Southern Poverty Law Center (where we heard
Alabama is a very poor state in terms of public money to fund schools and state patrol. The public schools, with the exception of the few magnet schools, are terrible- real-estate taxes are very low, compared to Ohio (Chris mentioned that for his suburban $ 200,000+ home, he paid $300 a year in property taxes). Then, Chris estimated that there were probably only thirteen state patrol persons in the WHOLE state.
In the early afternoon, we headed up to Selma for quick experience Bridge Crossing festivities - mainly food, music, and stuff. I picked up my first copy of the Militant, a socialist, pro-labor publication, and ate plain rice since everything else was fried or meat. I did attempt fried eggplant, but once I peeled all the batter off, there really was no eggplant anymore. Oh, soul food....On the way back to Montgomery, we stopped at a couple of campsites of the Selma-to-Montgomery and Viola Liuzzo's memorial. Liuzzo was a white civil rights activist murdered by the Klu Klux Klan after giving rides home to marchers in the 1965 Selma-to Montgomery march.
Rushing back to Montgomery, Chelsea and I prepared to go to Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman at 7:00 the Shakespeare Theater while Denise and Professor Gray had dinner. After watching a fair production of Salesman and generally feeling depressed about life and capitalism (wait, are they separate?), Chelsea and I chatted a bit with Denise and Professor Gray. Then, it was an attempt at an early bedtime to rise in time to see Obama speak in Selma Sunday morning.
We left Montgomery the next morning at 5:15, picked up Chris downtown at 5:30, and headed to Selma. Noting plenty of standing room outside Brown Chapel Church, the group went to McDonald's for breakfast. We then stood outside for about three hours to wait for a seat inside.
Let me try to set the scene for this event: Sen. Obama was speaking at Brown Chapel Church while Sen. Hillary Clinton was speaking across the street at the same time. The Rev. Jesse Jackson was also in town - so lots of energy in Selma. However, as Professor Gray constantly reminded us, none of these high profile people, with the exception of Bill Clinton and of course The Rev. Jesse, had been to Selma before this year.
Waiting was long, but also one of the highlights of the trip. This was my first real political rally, so to speak, and I loved the energy and comeraderie that surrounded it. However, my feet
nearly froze because I stubbornly decided to wear my Tevas. Something about feeling the energy/historical ground through my feet....? I don't know, but after about 30 minutes, I wasn't feeling anything in my feet. But, true to Southern hospitality and what I think is the general compassion in humanity, a very nice teacher held my hands and piled her cloth bag around my feet in order to keep me warm. We had a good time joking about how slighly crazy I was: all the women around me just kind of laughed and shook their head when they noticed I had on Tevas. Then we talked about the neighborhood and volunteer projects, our families and school. It was a moment that I feel charachterized why we were all there in the first place.Arriving at the church at 6:50am, we were fairly close to the doors when security finally decided
to open them at 10:00. However, it was still a mad push to get inside as we battled people cutting in from the sides, etc. Chelsea and Chris were stubborn and lucky to find a seat inside: Professor Gray and I behaved somewhat and thus were sent to the basement to watch the program on a screen since all the seats for the public had already filled up. I was mad, to say the least.Anyway, the program was okay and we basement convicts sang hymns softly along with the TV. Before Obama spoke, John Lewis and Bishop Kirkland had already prepped the crowd with some stirring memories and reflections of the past struggle.
Obama's speech was passionate, but precise. Compared to Lewis and others, he was not as charismatic, but as a Yale Law grad, I'm guessing that is not really his style. He opened by connecting himself to the Civil Rights movement, stating that his existence as the son of a white female from Kansas and a Kenyan would not have been possible without Selma (Civil Rights movement in general). Framing the speech in Biblical terms, he addressed the triumphs of the Moses generation, the giants like Lewis who lead the Movement forward, but stressed the important challenges of the present and future generations, the Joshua generation. On this note, I perked up as he spoke about a "poverty of ambition" in a materialistic youth culture, problems of educational achievement being perceived as "being white" by many youth, and problems of "economic discrimination", health care, family, and education. A key point in all of this was taking individual initiative: "not what the government can do for us, but what we can do for ourselves." And then, addressing strained and broken families where children are in poverty and fathers are not acting like fathers, Obama encouraged his listeners to push back the negatives that have been pushed on them in the past: "We must fight the opression in each of us."
Most people then exited after Obama spoke. Unfortunately, I also had to leave, but was able to hear "We Shall Overcome" through the doors while standing in line for the women's restroom. And - I got a close shot of Obama as he exited the building.
After that, we mingled in the hundreds of people outside the church and Professor Gray, Chelsea, and Chris all had some kind of pulled-meat sandwich. Soon after, we headed out where the three stopped at someone's porch grill for some Southern fried fish. Then we went back to the market/food area downtown area so that I could eat some more rice. This time, I think that lady had more compassion for vegetarians in Selma and served me heartier portion. :)
from which to view the march. The Edmund Pettus Bridge is a particularly important marker as the site of March 7, 1965, known as "Bloody Sunday" where police brutalized peaceful Civil Rights demonstrators. Now, Civil Rights leaders and this year, Obama, Hillary and Bill Clinton formed the front line of the march. We waited there among a hoard of press and camera crews for about an hour before the dignitaries made it across the bridge.Above: Obama in the white shirt looking towards the American Flag with some Black Power fists raised in the background.
Right: Bill and Hillary are buried in the upper left-hand corner of the picture.
Also to the left out of this picture was a journalist from the AP taking pictures from the top of a step ladder next to the side of the bridge. I am so thankful that he didn't fall in....sheeesh.
Left Nancy's about 7:45 Monday morning, caught our flight to Columbus, and headed back to Athens.